Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
