my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
