hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize