I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
