road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize