Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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