problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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