yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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