I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
