I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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