i just google imaged poop.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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