just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
