i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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