I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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