M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
