Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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