Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
