My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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