hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
