Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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