Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
