just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
