You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
