wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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