News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
