The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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