i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
