just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Tell her she can't have a vagina
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sorry about my life...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
