i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
