Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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