Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
