sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
