I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
