Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
