just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
