fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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