saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize