I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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