I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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