I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
where are my eyebrows?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
