a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
