I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
