Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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