So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
