Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
