Your mouth is God's brothel.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
