and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
