We named our party play list daddy issues
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
