and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
