Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
