i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
