Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize