I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I supernannyed him into submission
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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