Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
