I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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