K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
