umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
