Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
