Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Randomize
