She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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