My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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