his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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