Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
