i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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