now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
