I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
