Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
