I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My penis needs a shock collar
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
