I am in a vortex of obligation.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
PANTIES FOUND
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
