I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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